A Truth I Have Experienced
Your queen is your most important client. Your marriage is your most important enterprise. Divorce is the largest destructor of capital in the United States and I would say around the world. What good is it that your business is successful if you have to pay out half or more to your ex wife. Now don’t get me wrong me here, some relationships are toxic and divorce is the best solution. I’m focusing on the divorces that are created by the lack of intentionality and awareness we as men give our women.
The Power of Proximity
I was in love in college. Beautiful girl, fun passionate relationship and I saw a future even though I was young and naive. She hung out in the architecture lab many late nights and started going to the gym with the same guy in her lab. It wasn’t long until she was spending about 3-5x more time with this person than I was even though I was the one the relationship. Well when one has proximity with someone else, there is influence, whether on purpose or osmosis but it happens. You begin to mirror habits and preferences. It just happens, after a couple months of this she started a relationship with this guy behind my back, which led to our eventual breakup. I was heartbroken and if I could bet she probably did everything pretty innocently until it was intentional. He on the other hand, probably was very intentional from the very beginning.
The point is that we need to be aware of it because whether by choice or by chance the proximity of others influences people. This experience was a life changer for me and one I so much appreciate. After not only learning the power of proximity, I also began my lifelong journey in personal development. The first book I read during this time of recovery from a broken heart was Man Triumphant by Analee Skarin. This was the first of many books to change and open my thinking and focus on working on myself inside first to get new results in my life.
We can see how proximity plays out in our children. Depending on their classmates of that year, they will adjust their toy, sayings and even athletic preferences. We must be aware and on the lookout for these changes especially whether they are or not constructive influences.
Who is exercising new influence in our own lives due to proximity? This can happen in reverse. An attractive young woman in the office, or at the gym who we have no intention to have a relationship with, until… or a friend who has a bad habit that is not a big deal until that bad habit has led us to something we regret.
Our awareness of the proximity of influences in our lives and the lives of those we love is something that as leaders we need to on point about.
My wife, especially in our first years, threatened that she thought we were finished or doubted if we had anything left at least. A dozen times. I would laugh at her and call her a quitter and I assured her that this was nothing. You better buckle up because this ain’t shit I would tell her. Thankfully our relationship improved dramatically and we worked on ourselves and each other intentionally for many years.
Who is exercising new influence in our own lives due to proximity? This can happen in reverse. An attractive young woman in the office, or at the gym who we have no intention to have a relationship with, until… or a friend who has a bad habit that is not a big deal until that bad habit has led us to something we regret. Our awareness of the proximity of influences in our lives and the lives of those we love is something that as leaders we need to on point about.
We must be constantly searching to upgrade our proximity changes. Assuring that if we are to commit changes in time proximity with others it is with people who have higher, better standards that we are striving for in the different area of our lives. A better athlete at the gym or in the track, a business partner or coach who had much more experience than we do, our own partners to insure that we are investing in them and innovating in our own relationship rather than let others innovate on our behalf.
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